


The one with the more than friends with benefits

by Myindepthmind



Category: The 100 (TV), The 100 Series - Kass Morgan
Genre: Angst, Bellarke, F/M, Fluff and Angst, Friends With Benefits, Romance
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-02-10
Updated: 2017-02-10
Packaged: 2018-09-23 07:12:32
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 9,863
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/9645806
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Myindepthmind/pseuds/Myindepthmind
Summary: They agreed that they were better off with just sex. Friends with Benefits they call it. They tried the whole relationship thing. Needless to say Bellamy's sarcasm and Clarke's temper would start off playful to plates being thrown just minutes later. They were great as friends but the moment they spent every waking moment together they grew on each others nerves. Maybe it was the immaturity playing a factor given they were so young. Maybe they just were never meant to be. So tell me why Bellamy is across the bar thinking otherwise.





	

**Author's Note:**

> So this was supposed to be short and it ended up being like 9k+ whoops. This is my first Bellarke fanfiction so go easy. I'm still getting used to how all this works on here. Fluff and Angst written mostly from Bellamy's perspective - heart broken Bellamy. Anything Italic is a deep thought or something I feel the need to emphasize. I hope you enjoy!

They agreed that they were better off with just sex. Friends with Benefits they call it. They tried the whole relationship thing. Needless to say Bellamy's sarcasm and Clarke's temper would start off playful to plates being thrown just minutes later. They were great as friends but the moment they spent every waking moment together they grew on each others nerves. Maybe it was the immaturity playing a factor given they were so young. Maybe they just were never meant to be. So tell me why Bellamy is across the bar thinking otherwise.

 

It had been over two years since Bellamy and Clarke last saw each other and another year since they hooked up.  
It was at a party and they may have had one too many shots. Waking up to one another, feelings surfacing between both of them. They both openly admitted to enjoying the way their fingers would curl in sync with one another. They both had feelings for each other and they were both very aware of it now. So they gave the relationship thing a go. After all they both liked each other, they were best friends, what was the harm in trying? No - it was horrible.

He remembers so clearly the glass being thrown from both parties across the room at each other after a heated argument. He remembers one thing the most; a cup almost hit him directly in the face only to smash at the wall directly next to his cheek leaving a small cut but it was enough to leave a scar. It was brutal and he honestly cannot remember what the hell the arguments were actually about. They made up with glorious angry sex and after that was all over Clarke suggested to scrap the relationship idea and suggested they just stick to sex. “Why don’t we just ignore all of what just happened between us and stick to sex. I come over a few times a week to relieve stress and we go about our regular routines” she mumbled rolling over on her side to face him. He took her hand in his and kissed her palm. He loved that idea. No strings really.....just him having her whenever he wanted. Bellamy wasn’t always the most committed person back then so it would save a lot more energy and honestly he was tired of replacing his dishes after they would get smashed. He can’t blame her. They both had a fiery temper. They never really intended on hurting each other but when the temper from both of them flared it warranted chaos. The sex would keep the chaos at bay. It made sense.

However given the no strings attached idea it left Clarke with no issue to make the decision to move out of the city to live with her parents while she went to school. Not even a second thought about Bellamy. She just called the group over to her apartment, told them the news, left less than a week later. He was a little upset about it because he did care so much about her even without the sex. They were best friends before it all happened, they were inseparable. The long nights of her stressing and him holding her, to the walks in the park, anything. They did everything together a couple or not. He knew that if Clarke had even spoken to Bellamy about it he would try to make her stay. She clearly didn’t want that. She wanted to live her dreams he assumed. He wasn’t one of them, he was just Bellamy Blake, her best friend, her fuck buddy, her whatever. She most certainly didn’t call him over for any “favors” that week either. He tried calling her house phone and it would only lead to the same God damn message playing back to record: “Hey you’ve reached Clarke and Bell, I’m probably busy and not sorry about not answering, Bell has no excuse - What? Clarke that’s not true! - followed by Clarke's giggle then - leave us a message!” Beep. He would sigh horribly at it. She made it one night out of whim and kept it. Even sent it to her cellphone so she could use it as that message tone. It was the first month they spent as an actual couple. Given that he practically lived with her even before it all happened at the time it seemed ever so fitting.

It’s been well over two years since all of that took place.

Bellamy still lived in the city, got himself a temporary job and took life for what it was. He’s never been one to really know his place in this world so nothing shocked him anymore and he took it day by day. He took everything with casual simplicity. He really didn’t care where he was or what he was doing. He lived a hard life looking after Octavia. So much so that he took everything with a grain of salt. Even the thought of finishing his college program on the force. He was top of his class; his teachers and trainers loved him so. When his grades began to drop they began to notice and told him that whenever he was ready to come back that he should. That he clearly wasn’t in the right mind set to continue his education. They practically paused his course until he was ready to come back. He didn’t think they really could do that but apparently having a close relationship with his trainers warranted that kind of thing. They wanted him on the force one day. They needed him. That’s all he needed to know to get back in the program one day.  
When he was ready that is.

Bellamy worked at the local bar in the city called The Python. It was a decent sized bar with a dance floor and ugly strobe lights with a disco ball that was at least twenty years old. The floors were hardwood and so was the bar and his personal favorite: round leather booths to sit in. It was almost old fashioned and maybe that’s why he took so much pride in his job. The actual bar itself was the only real modern looking thing in the place and he stood confidently behind the counter each shift. Even if half the time he had women leaning over the bar practically drooling on his leather dress shoes. He liked his job. His boss loved him and was almost like a father figure to him.

The moment he announced his new job a year ago it seemed all of his friends came around more frequently to his work...for half off nachos of course. He honestly didn’t mind. After they all went off to college and university and of course Bellamy being just a bit older than them all, they were all freshmen in college and university and he had already been there done that. - Seeing his friends made him happy each day he went in for a shift, he figured any time he got to spend with them all was enough.- even though they were completely shit faced more than half of the time he got to see them. It was okay for him, he got a plentiful amount of laughs at drunk Jasper trying to hit on any pretty lady in a tight dress and Monty for the umpteenth time having to get him out of trouble for hitting on a girl who’s boyfriend was across the bar. Some days he had to throw them all out on their ass because sometimes it was just too much for the bouncers to keep up with. Bellamy was a big guy, he had muscle and had no issue throwing a few weirdos out. Thanks to all his training in school the men that started fights quickly stopped and scampered off when Bellamy would stand in sight. He would always protect his friends even though they could be in the wrong during whatever bar fight he would defend them but cautiously remind them to be careful much later on after all was taken care of.  
It was a typical Friday night for him however it was a nightmare of a storm outside and the power may have flickered off and on a few times and it thrilled Bellamy because he loved thunderstorms. There was an apparent hurricane and they were getting the tail end of it. The thrill he got just hearing the loud crashing of thunder over the music in the bar made the hairs on the back of his neck stand up. Clarke loved thunder storms too. It was something they would spend time doing together; listening to them as the rain pattered on the roof, holding her close and listening to her soft raspy breaths as her chest would rise and fall, she was always half asleep and mumbling stories about her childhood that he’s heard well over a thousand times. Memories he loved but wished to be able to forget especially in times like these. He hated thinking about her at work. Across the dance floor at the regular table sat the group. He knew that table specifically it was #14 which the group agreed was their lucky number. It was because there were 14 of them including him and Clarke.

He sighed to himself thinking about what it would even be like to have her here, or why they even consider her still apart of the group - given she doesn’t talk to anyone except the girls.  
Monty, Jasper, Harper, Raven, Finn, Murphy, Emori, Wells, Miller, Bryan, Lincoln and Octavia. The girls on one side the guys on the other with the exception of Raven on Finn’s lap and of course Octavia on Lincolns. Bellamy made all of his friends their favorite drinks which he memorized in the first few weeks of them coming by. He had a really good memory but his friends were a bit simplistic with their alcohol so it’s not like it was a complex order. Sometimes after their first drink they would come asking for a second occasionally asking for something new. He always made a point to put cute little umbrellas of the girls favorite colors in their drinks. Anything to make Octavia smile really. He also enjoyed the thanks he got from the girls that he never received from the guys. Typical males really.

He made his way across the bar to where they sat, smile plastered across his face, tray full of drinks in one hand, another tray full of nachos in the other. Hair slicked back, black dress shirt tucked in his black dress pants with a belt to hold. Looking fine as ever and for the most part happy. He always wore the same thing to work, he occasionally switched it up a bit and wore patterned dress shirts and sometimes different colored ones. He stuck to white and black because it was the shades that looked nicest to him on his olive skin. - Clarke also may have said it once or twice.  
“Bell!” Octavia shouted with complete excitement as she saw him walking towards them. He could see her little legs wiggle on Lincolns lap. She used to do that when she was really young. Some things just never change.

“I saw you yesterday, O, and the day before that but I’m glad at least someones happy to see me.” He stated flatly making his way to the table, he rolled his eyes at the group only for them to shout at him and scream things like “HI BELLAMY EXCUSE ME YOUR HIGHNESS, HI BELLAMY OH MY GOD SO DREAMY” Most of these came from Murphy and Jasper but he would never really be surprised by it all. You’d think they were drunk already but the group was never a normal bunch now were they? - He was thankful for his weird bunch.

They kept his life exciting even if he was at times the most boring sad little sap there was. “Thanks, Bellamy” Harper said smiling genuinely as Bellamy placed the tray of drinks down with another giant tray full of stuffed Nachos. That was the thanks he was talking about, the girls always showed appreciation and small giggles when they would see those little umbrellas. “You’re welcome, my delinquents” He said ever so casually with a lean, smirking as always holding the empty tray in his hand. “Smart ass” Raven replied rolling her eyes as the girls all laughed at the usual banter. Raven was one of the girls but sometimes....he swore she was a guy underneath all that sass. The banter between his friends, they all loved each other, it was a banter he never wanted to stop hearing. It didn’t matter where they were, they were his family and the stupid jokes and banter made his life lively.

“I’ll leave you to it, be back in a bit for refills, Jasper stay away from the girls tonight okay? I don’t need to throw another scary guy out on his ass” Bellamy looked at Jasper only for him to reply with an irritated “ha ha ha very funny” as they all laughed at him watching him slouch in his seat and down a bit of his drink. Jasper was never really himself after his girlfriend Maya moved to England but he was making day by day progress that Bellamy could only relate to. Things he hated to admit.

Bellamy made his way back to the bar to clean up a few of the cups left from old customers and serve some drinks to the miserable saps that lean on the bar. Some regulars, some new faces, always the same kind of people. Sad middle aged men, bitter ones, sad women, just sad people. It was a normal thing lately to be lonely. He understood that more than he’d ever admit to himself.  
The next hour he spent doing the same things; refilling of drinks to customers, his friends, watching the dance floor as Harper would drag Monty every night they were here directly to it once she had a few drinks in. Watching all of his friends have fun on the dance floor was something he also never wanted to stop seeing. For a while they don’t think about any life stresses with school or work, they come here and they’re happy.

Maybe that’s why it just doesn’t bother him to have them here almost every night. He see’s genuine happiness. That’s all he’s ever really wanted. He’d remind himself that he needs to be stiff and less hearty but he couldn’t. He’s soft on the inside of his tough exterior and seeing his friends happy would tug at his heart strings.  
Bellamy turned his back to place the Bacardi back on the shelf only to hear the loudest screech over the music which he identified immediately and it belong to none other than Octavia, followed by a few other girls screeches. He figures something stupid has happened like someone slipping and falling which happens literally all the damn time and has that exact reaction....every time screeches and laughter. More things he found amusement in when working at a bar. - sloppy, drunk and horribly honest people. He sighed almost knocking the other bottles down off the shelf only to catch them. - nice one Bell.

He was interested in seeing what all the commotion was about and turned around to lean over the counter. However...this time was a little different because when he did turn around to look it wasn’t because someone fell or did something foolish, it was because at the door shaking an umbrella stood Clarke in a black tight dress, some dangerously high heels, a pout, hair a slight mess from the storm and the girls running in their heels to get to her.  
He’s never seen any woman run so fast in heels in his life.  
That was until today.

Nobody was ever expecting her and he had zero clue how she knew where to find anyone anyway. Maybe Octavia had something to do with all of this. After all she was the master planner of all of the groups events. It would be no shock to him if this was some kind of coy or plan to get Bellamy back with Clarke. “Clarke.....why the hell is she here?” he thought to himself. It really wasn’t because he wasn’t happy to see her because in all honesty it was like the wind was knocked right out of him. She always took his breath away for a few different reasons but tonight she was something out of the blue, something so familiar, and she looked so beautiful. It made his chest tighten and the room fill with the illusion of spinning. Bellamy quickly shook his head and was rendered confused by his thoughts. Why the hell was he thinking this way about Clarke all of the sudden? She just up and left him, they were just fuck buddies, there was nothing there. They threw plates at each other, she was a pain in his ass. He jogged his memory desperately trying to block out the butterflies in his stomach. It was a slow burn in his stomach that he couldn’t shake.

He began to putter around the bar desperately trying to find something to distract him with. Checking on the bar crawlers making sure their drinks were topped. He really couldn’t help it this time and once he was finished what he was doing he glanced over desperately searching for his friends with the newly arrived, Clarke. He watched the girls bring her to their table and listened to the faint squeals and chatter, the girls fixing up her hair and touching her shoulder, you know weird girl things. I guess they were just complimenting how she looked.

She looked like she could kill a man just by staring at them and that’s exactly what she did to Bellamy every single time he looked at her. It didn’t matter if she was across the room in his kitchen wearing his tee-shirt, messy bun and shorts looking like death after a long night. Or if she was in the kitchen boiling water to make pasta fogging up her reading glasses from the steam of the boiled water only for her to respond to his laughter with her tongue stuck out of her mouth. The nights he’d carry her home after a long game night with the group that got a little too boozy, makeup running down her face and smudged lipstick. Or if she was on top of him in pure ecstasy. Any time her blue eyes flickered in his direction it was an arrow to his chest and a burn that was a fate far worse than death.  
She was a confident and independent lioness with her wavy curls and beautiful smile. She could get any girl or guy she wanted and he knew that. He never thanked her enough. Even though there was no strings, she still always said she belonged to him. He wondered if that changed after all this time. Bellamy never told her he loved her before she left. Maybe it was because he knew she wouldn’t leave if he did, maybe she’d feel guilty and feel the need to stay to tend to his feelings. They were friends with benefits but in all honesty it still felt like a relationship to him. He would look at it like that far more often than he would like to admit. Until she left him, he was hers.

He never really dated when she left. Some odd hook ups here and there with a few women but to him it just wasn’t the same. It wasn’t her. It didn’t matter if a woman declared love for him either after a few dates. It kind of made his skin crawl thinking of being inside a woman when he was sober. Every date he ever went on seemed to end up the same. Drunk sex and slipping out their door the next morning before sunrise. Sometimes even using a fake name or number. He felt shallow sometimes but it was his trust for people that had him that way. Never getting to close because he finds that when he gets close that’s when they slip away. That’s what happened to Clarke.

“Kane I need to step outside for some fresh air” Bellamy said stumbling into the room with haste.  
“Everything alright with you?” Kane questioned. It wasn’t a typical thing Bellamy did... fresh air breaks. Bellamy was a hard worker and didn’t ever let anything, not even a cold, hold him from doing his job. This time Kane could tell something was truly bothering him. Bellamy was like a son to him and he could tell these things just by making eye contact with him. This Bellamy tonight reminded him of the Bellamy that he met when he applied for the job. Staggering about looking almost empty.

"Yeah, just didn’t get a lot of sleep last night and it’s a way to keep me awake.” Bellamy replied completely lying. It was such a damn lie. “Alright take 10 and be ready to work again” Kane said with a light tap to Bellamy's back. He knew there was more to it but knew that prying may only upset him more. He slipped back into the column of the newspaper he was reading about the local Baseball team.  
Bellamy was thankful that there was a roof over his head. The cold air and the loud rumbles relaxed him as he leaned against the wall pulling a cigarette out lighting it casually as he took long drags moving the cigarette through his fingers watching it burn. He took up smoking after she left. You’d think he lost a girlfriend of six years. He picked it up one day when he was completely shit faced and thinking of her. He wanted some kind of escape and he remembered back to when his psychology teacher from middle school used that as an example of how people escape. Drunk Bellamy thought that casual smoking was a good escape. A good escape from Clarke, his not really girlfriend - girlfriend.

I mean that’s what it felt like to him. She was always in his life. Her laughter, finding her long curly hairs buried deep in his clothing and god damn bobby pins all over his apartment. She was his life from the moment he met her. Curly hair, glasses, and an attitude that molded well with his. Bellamy never really admitted to himself that he was indeed in love with Clarke. He knew he loved her of course. However now after seeing her it’s come to his realization that the slow burn he felt was because he was actually in love with her.

Octavia would always tell him constantly that he was in love but he would make quick haste to block out her words. Bellamy shook his head viciously. The thoughts he had were making him angry. His thoughts were driving him batty. He knew what dating her was like, he knew they didn’t work out, but maybe if they tried it? they kept trying? his thoughts betraying him as memories surface. The time they had their first shower together, the late night Chinese food, the Netflix marathons. God he missed her.  
He dealt with his feelings when she left. Not in the healthiest way possible....Octavia would never get off his case about his shitty habits. He would drink himself to sleep and when he did sleep it was until 3pm ever day. He lost his old job which he hated but was truthfully glad to lose it. Being a school janitor wasn’t exactly pleasant. Octavia would hound him over his hygiene and the fact that his apartment was constantly a mess. Some nights he would be okay and others spent miserable. Clarke leaving had this affect on him that he also didn’t like to admit to and he pretends that part of his life never truly existed and he was just stuck in some shitty time loop. He truly thought he accepted the fact that he may never see her again and now shes inside. In his damn bar with his damn friends and now suddenly Bellamy wasn’t so sure he dealt with anything at all.

He put out his second cigarette in the little “butt-out” box on the wall and made his way inside to the washroom. He splashed some water on his face and ran his fingers through his slicked back already jelled hair. He would have to face her sometime tonight and there was no way in hell he was going to look like a mess for when she did see him. It was the employee bathroom so he had his comb there and his tiny bottle of cologne. He wore it often because it was Clarke's favorite on him and any small smell reminded him of her. He always had two buttons undone on his shirt as well. He remembers why. It was because one night he surprised Clarke with roses and a dinner date, she told him he should unbutton two to attract the ladies with “tasteful cleavage”.  
He laughed a little to himself and took a deep breath then headed out the door to the bar. Memories he wishes he could forget were surfacing too quick to lock down. Bellamy made his way back behind the bar and began serving drinks again swinging his white towel over his shoulder. A little brunette flashed in front of him as if she was running, which she was obviously running....what else of Octavia.

“Bell, you’ll never believe it! Clarke's here! go talk to her! everyone’s been looking for you where did you run off to? ” she says watching him as he fills a few glasses analyzing his every move. Her pupils wide with excitement.  
“Oh Bell come on” she sighed leaning on the bar. “Don’t be like this, you said it yourself you’ve waited forever to just catch a glimpse of her and now that shes across the room you wont speak.” He glanced up at her and back down to what he was doing; Cleaning a few shot glasses. “God damn it, Bellamy Bradbury Blake, if you don’t talk to her at least once tonight I’m going to kick your sorry-” He interrupted her by sliding a glass toward her with a Burgundy and a Navy blue umbrella in it.  
Burgundy was Clarke's favorite color followed by navy blue. Half his wardrobe as well as hers consisted of those colors because she loved to match big sweaters and dress shirts with him. She even bought him a set of boxer briefs for him so she could see him in them. “Tell her special delivery from rubber ducky incorporated.” He said sighing, completely embarrassed leaning his hand on his cheek.

“What the hell does that mean” she said laughing with concern.  
“it’s an inside joke, not now O, just give it to her please.” He said rolling his eyes with a faint blush. “You’re really weird big brother I hope you’re aware of that” She said cheekily with a skip to her step.  
She began to walk away only to turn and quickly state a few words that left Bellamy on edge. “She’s not going to wait around forever, Bellamy, it’s clear as day how you feel so man up for once.” He could sense a form of hostility in her voice. After all she did spend the last two years practically babysitting him after Clarke moved. Again you’d think he was a widow of some kind. Octavia knew a few things that he clearly did not.

He watched her walk over to the group handing Clarke her drink. He watched nervously from across the way only to watch her response. She smiled softly and let out what looked to be a little laugh, followed by a question and another laugh, the table laughed. He assumed his “inside joke” wasn’t very inside anymore. He continued to watch for a little while. Pleased by his response to see her drink his drink he made for her. He made her favorite, it was quite simple, Captain Morgan and Coke with a lime. He watched her finish it only to look up at him. It startled him but soothed him all in one go. He let out a gentle smile and began working again. She acknowledged his presence and it made his heart flutter with excitement however the next few hours were dreadful for him.  
Ever since Clarke arrived it felt like the time just couldn’t pass by fast enough. He was constantly on edge and almost irritated. Maybe it was because it’s been two and a half hours since she got there and she hadn’t even come over to say hello. Was she shy? did she think he hated her? did she love him anymore? he knew deep down at one point she did but his inner demons would love say otherwise.

Suddenly commotion from the dance floor took hold and it was Raven yelling in a guys face. Bellamy leaned over the bar and couldn’t quite make out the situation. That was until he saw a guy make an advance on Clarke. That made all the more sense. Raven was a fiery human being and only truly yelled like this when someone she cared about was hurt or in danger. The girls were a pack of wolves, they looked out for each other, they were like sisters. This guy clearly wouldn’t step off and judging by everyone's reaction that was exactly what was going on. Out of nowhere, Bellamy’s protective instincts kicked in. His pit of fire in his stomach that was love filled with rage and pure disgust.  
He hopped over the bar in a storm of rage not even thinking and he made his way shoving people out of the way only to move Raven and grab the guy by his throat. It all happened so quickly and honestly he didn’t even know what was going on. Bellamy just blacks out when he’s angry. Octavia used to say it scared her and judging by her yelling “BELLAMY” at him tonight. It probably still did.  
Gasps filled the room as he felt everyone's eyes fall on him. The DJ stopped the music as well making the voices of concern all the more apparent. “If Raven didn’t make it clear, she’s not interested, now get the hell out of my bar, and if I ever see you so much as look at her, you’ll be sorry you ever stepped foot in my bar again.” he spat with a venomous tone and just as Bellamy finished he balled a fist and punched the man directly in the face knocking him out cold only to pick his body up by the shirt and shove it at a bouncers chest. Bellamy never starts fights but the feelings he had tonight were enough to warrant arrest and he honestly didn't care.  
He made no point to turn to look at his friends because he knew the faces they were making weren’t ones of pride. He shoved other people out of the way stumbling out of the crowd back over to the bar. If only he had turned around. For Clarke, was astonished, her heart racing, palms sweaty from more than just dancing. He protected her and the slow burn set in for her too. She was looking at him proudly. She always believed in Bellamy.

“Kane, I just punched a guy out, fire me if you want I really don’t care I’m leaving I can’t do this shit tonight” Bellamy said walking into the back room grabbing his jacket by Kane where he sat eating a late dinner. Bellamy may have been throwing things out of proportion slightly but the thought of Clarke being hit on by some random assface accompanied by the fact that she hadn’t even so much as looked in his direction. He was angry. He thought that the next time he would see Clarke would be at a coffee shop not his God forsaken work.  
“Yeah you don’t seem okay tonight, take a few days off please, I can’t have you like this in my bar.” Kane said firmly casually flipping through his newspaper. He meant it in a loving way. He knew Bellamy had his limits and they were not to be tested.  
“Thanks” Bellamy said flatly leaving the room. He made his way toward the exit huffing on his jacket one sleeve to the next only to have Octavia grab his hand and stop him before he hit the door. He knew this was coming and he turned around sighing heavily. He had zero desire to listen to a half drunk Octavia tell him the same shit he’s heard before from literally every single person in his life. They all cared and wanted to see him happy. They wanted him to move on. They saw what Clarke leaving did to him and wanted what was best for him even if harsh constructive criticism was due.  
“And where in the hell do you think you’re going after those theatrics?” She said firmly tapping his chest. “Not now, O.” he replied sighing again trying to leave. She firmly grabbed him by the collar this time, fire in her eyes shoving him against one of the tables that was very clearly moved out of place. “Stop with the not now, O, bullshit. I’ve had enough, you’re really dense sometimes you know that? She came here for you.” she spat only to continue. “Whatever though, spending all those months completely heartbroken made you heartless anyway. You wouldn’t know how many nights she would ask for you or the fact that the only reason why I knew how to take care of your sorry ass was because of her.” Octavia finished, still glaring. She was angry at him this time, which really doesn’t happen often. Shes far more patient than he ever was.

Just as she finished she removed her hands from his collar and stormed off. She really did know how to take care of him but he assumed it was just sisterly instinct. However Clarke taking initiative from as far away as she was didn’t seem too far fetched. “She would never be here for just me, Octavia” He spat back at her loud enough for her to still hear it even though there was a distance between them. He didn’t exactly believe her theatrics. She was a really good actress and was able to get under someones skin with ease but this time a part of him could tell she was being genuine. She stopped only to turn on her heel and reply back with hostility. “Not like you’d know shit about how she feels anyway.” - she continued to walk away leaving Bellamy angry and confused he left not a second later slamming the doors behind him.

It was going to be a long night so he figured stopping to buy Chinese food was a go. He spent twenty minutes walking to the Chinese restaurant then another twenty slugging back. The lady behind the counter recognized him and smiled happily looking over his shoulder for Clarke obviously only for her to assume the worst and he could see it as her smile wavered. Clarke and the ladies at the restaurant used to share recipes together, it was kind of amusing.

He was walking back to his apartment in the pooring rain and the thoughts inside him willed him to stop dead in tracks if only for a moment. “She doesn’t feel shit for me.” he thought to himself looking down at his now soaked shoes. Octavia's words ran on loop in his head. He then shook his head in attempt to block out all he was feeling and continued forward toward where his apartment building was. Bellamy made his way up the stairs to his apartment holding his bag with two boxes of fried rice and a small container with spicy chicken, something that was his and Clarke's favorite to share. He felt his heart twist a little knowing he would open his door and she wouldn’t be there to greet him with hungry eyes staring at the all too familiar plastic bag with Chinese lettering.  
“Why the hell would she be there for me what kind of crap is that.” he said under his breath as he turned the key in the lock to the door. Click.  
He opened the door and made his way inside attempting to keep the water dripping off him in one area. He took a small towel he kept on the coat rack that he used for his soaked shoes. Any form of weather he liked avoid soaking into the apartment and making a mess. He then hung up his coat to let it dry then leaning to eventually peel off the soaked socks stuck to his feet. He didn’t feel like changing he was too bloody irritated to do anything tedious and changing just fell into that category.

His thoughts wandered again. She left him here after all. Why would she drive all this way just to stop at his bar. He chalked it all up as Octavia trying to make him feel guilty over his theatrics. It was also a very normal thing for her to do. After all she was his younger sister and she knew how to play her cards right to get her way in just about anything to do with him. His damn soft spots for people leave him vulnerable. Especially to Octavia and Clarke. The two women in his life that he really doesn’t ever go a day thinking about. Clarke is all day every day and it does nothing but cause him heartache so of course like everything else he just blocked her out. Octavia was always his priority. His sister his responsibility. However she had Lincoln now and he took damn good care of her. Bellamy didn’t have the luxury of thinking about the people he loved because they didn’t need him anymore. They were taken good care of. Octavia said it was an opportunity for him to care for himself for once. He didn’t want that. He wanted to take care of Clarke.

Sitting down on his couch, putting his feet up ready to eat his “well deserved” Chinese taking a spoonful of his rice placing it in his mouth and a soft mumble of satisfaction rolled off his lips. He sat in silence for a while letting his heart beat go back to normal after that adrenaline high and letting his clothes dry a little.  
His cell phone buzzing like wild from his obviously concerned friends. He glanced down at it to see messages from everyone including Clarke. He deleted her number out of anger one night to avoid the temptation of texting her but he had it memorized after all these years she never once changed it. He had wondered if it still held the same voicemail message. He quickly shook in his sitting position to avoid that thought. He placed the box of rice down and slipped is face in his hands sighing heavily. This night was something out of his worst nightmares. It sounds ridiculous but the nights he woke up in sweat were nightmares about her. Her ignoring him, or telling him she hated him, stupid little things like that. He would wake in a panic and turn to her side of his bed only to find it untouched and the feeling of her being gone to settle in once again. It went on that way for at least six months a few days a week. The same stupid reoccurring nightmares.  
A light knock on the door startled him out of his leaned position and he glared over at the door. That didn’t take long. He thought to himself. He knew that Octavia was behind the door ready to rip him one.

“Not now, O” he snapped still glaring at the front door. The glare he had could probably burn a hole through it if he concentrated enough.  
another light knock  
He sighed and rose from his couch and stormed his way to the door unlocking it “I swear to God Octavia, I said I don’t want to talk about this what don’t you fucking under-” He stopped as he swung open the door to look down expecting to see a flustered Octavia. He half braced himself for a slap to the face. In this situation Octavia would be behind this door after they argued as if to continue her argument which is what she did ever since they were kids. Instead there stood Clarke, shivering looking up at him with a soft smile.  
He doesn’t look happy to see me.

“Clarke....I” Bellamy looked like a deer in headlights, he stammered taking a half step backward expecting her to smack him as Octavia would. This situation is something out of his nightmares too. He was getting real sick of all of them coming to life.  
“Hey, Bell” she said softly tilting her head to the side. “Mind if I keep you company? I really didn’t want to be at the bar anymore....” she continued moving her head down now as she glanced down at the floor where her soaked feet stood in those heels. At least she wore a jacket but in all honesty he was pissed over the fact that she walked all the way in those god damn heels. - he remembers shoe-less nights at the beach and the sand in his toes, her hand in his.  
“uh, sure I guess.” He moved to let her in. He’s been waiting to see her for months and all he can muster up is an I guess. Of course he’s now angry at himself for it.  
“Fine never mind, if I guess is the answer then forget I even came by. To think you’d want to see me after all this” She mumbled beginning to walk away. Jesus fucking Christ woman if you had any idea the torment he’s had all night just thinking about her.  
He grabbed her wrist and she turned around to look at him. She looked down at her wrist then back to him and glared “The hell Bellamy, let me go.” She squirmed as his grip was a bit harder tightening around her wrist with every second.

Nope not this time. “You don’t get to do this again, Clarke” he said firmly. Not this time at all. Not again. “What the hell is that supposed to mean.” She replied angrily. The fire that lit in her eyes that he missed so much. “You don’t just get to show up in my life again like a god damn hurricane just to turn around and leave without a goodbye” He spat at her glaring back. His eyes now bore into hers.  
“Don’t tell me what I can and cannot do, Blake” she spat back her words like venom as his last name rolled off her tongue so nonchalantly. Rarely did she use his last name. Unless of course she was bloody pissed off at whatever it was he had done or gotten himself into. Example: breaking one of her clay pots she made one year for her pottery class she took outside of school.  
“Oh I’m sorry, Princess, got a hot date I don’t know about? No? okay. Then you have time to talk since you have no common courtesy what so ever to you know, say hello to me?” he was fuming, his blood boiled as if it sat on a burner on high. He admitted whole heartedly that he was being a complete asshole. He was half proud and a bit concerned as his eyes wandered her face awaiting some kind of nasty response.  
“Stop” she spat her eyes now wandering his face. His hand still grabbing her arm. “Oh right I forgot, the princess doesn’t like honesty” He said sarcastically letting go of her wrist with a flick. “Just fucking leave like you always do, Clarke.” he spat walking back into his apartment leaving his door open only to find her following him back inside. He did that intentionally; leaving the door open.  
“I changed my mind about inviting you in so please leave” He gestured nonchalantly to the door as she stood there with her arms crossed ready to protest. She pouted like a child still. “Can you stop being so arrogant for just one second” She stated gesturing her hand to all of him. He loved when she was angry because she would use her hands far more frequently to express how she felt. It made him laugh sometimes.

“I’d rather not” he replied “Honesty doesn’t really work well with you Griffins now does it” Low blow Bellamy. Reminding her of her rough past with her mother was really not the way to go here but of course he did. He doesn’t think when he’s angry and trips over his own words later. Reminding her of her rough relationship with her mother would normally warrant an apology from him but he assumed they probably got better over the last few years. - Wrong. He was so wrong.  
“For someone who loved the idea of friends with benefits you’re sure pissy about something that I was doing for myself!” she was now shouting, the remark about her mother was truly a low blow. “Me leaving shouldn’t fucking matter to you Bellamy! I went off to school to educate myself, build a god damn future for myself! sorry I didn’t want to sit around picking my ass like you!” He did sit around but it wasn’t for what she was accusing. He just didn’t find himself capable of functioning without her. He felt like his body was shutting itself down half the time which had Octavia the babysitter part come into play.

“Oh yes, because you’re a saint. All hail Clarke, someone who’s already selfish making decisions for herself” He said sarcastically rolling his eyes. She was so far from selfish and he knew that. She scoffed in shock and proceeded to yell back. “The only reason I didn’t say goodbye is because I knew you’d make me stay!” - he knew that already. Of course she’d turn the conversation away from false accusations toward her. She was so far from selfish but of course anything like that could make her blood boil.  
He rolled his eyes and sighed in complete frustration placing his hand on his hip, glancing up at the roof and back to her his eyes glossy and a casual sarcastic, angry neck roll he does when he’s irritated, she was used to this from the old arguments they had to know he was just as pissed off. Just as angry. Just as sad as she was.  
“Maybe, I’ve been casually sitting around “picking my ass” because you left me” He responded this time with hostility and watery eyes. The truth finally rolled off his lips. Everything he was about to say from this moment onward was going to be nothing but how he felt now. The cage is open and the pain was set free from the dungeon he locked it in. Deep inside his heart.  
Clarke stood now still, no longer anger in her eyes, no longer frustration and fire, she just looked at him almost blankly but the sadness addressing itself on her face. She tried a few times to respond, light noises coming from her mouth but no words. She choked back cries. She watched him make his way back to the couch only to lean with his elbows on his knees, his palms on his forehead and his fingers combed through his thick locks.

She truly had no idea what to say because for the first time in her life she was watching Bellamy fall apart in front of her. He was always the strong one. He never cried. He held her when she would cry. He took care of her when she was sick. The occasional worried look she would get from him after coming home very late but never actual tears that she saw glisten by his palms that sat covering his eyes. Did she do this? She glanced over to the table and saw two boxes and a small container, she knew what it was. It was what they got every time they ordered Chinese. A few books, his favorites of course and to her surprise one of her bracelets she thought she lost ages ago. It was one he had bought her that she never, ever, took off. It was simple and gold with a little flat heart. He’d been taking care of it because it was very polished from the looks of it. Her thoughts wandered as her eyes looked from the bracelet to Bellamy and she heard very soft sobs from him. She left without saying goodbye to Bellamy because she loved him enough to stay. She wouldn’t tell him goodbye because she knew that even if he wanted her around for only sex she’d stay so long as he was there by her side...even if she was just an object to him it was enough for her. The slow burn she felt for him was love and she thought she knew in her heart he didn’t feel the same.  
Now standing in his apartment watching Bellamy fall apart, she wasn’t so sure she knew much of anything at all.  
“Bellamy....I” she stuttered desperately trying to find words.

“Clarke....just don’t. I don’t want to hear I’m sorry's, you left me, you left me here and you didn’t even say goodbye.” he said still seated in the same position. he continued seconds later his voice breaking at every chance. “The worst part is the moment you walked in my bar, everything I spent months trying to forget flooded back into my life.” he sighed heavily now raising his head. “Your stupid hair I still find in my sweaters, your bobby pins, your coffee mugs, your strawberry shampoo, your love for that stupid rubber duck that still sits on my tub, everything I forgot about...I’m tired of this Clarke, loving you is exhausting. Please if you’re going to go don’t stay half way in my god damn door because every time you look at me, I fall all over again and it’s intoxicating.” his words full of nothing less than pure honesty. She was certain his muffled noises were sobs now.  
She did this to him.  
Here she thought this entire time Bellamy was doing just fine, after they agreed to be just fuck buddies. She didn’t think he would care much. He spoke again interrupting her thoughts for a moment.  
“and the worst part about all of this, from the moment I met you, to now where I don’t even want to look at you, I’m still so god damn in love with you that it didn’t matter if you only wanted me for sex, it didn’t fucking matter, it still doesn’t fucking matter. I still can’t replace you, I- still can’t fill this god forsaken void you left and I’m just-” he stopped himself, holding himself back, hes both angry and upset and his voice was cracking constantly and he felt weak. He just didn’t want to talk anymore.

A moment of silence passed between them and he spoke. This time with hostility. “Get out” he snapped looking up at her now only to find her too in shambles. He wanted to look surprised but he wasn't at the same time. He used to tease her about being a cry baby after all. All she used to do was cry. Drop a book...cry, drop a french fry...cry, sappy movies...cry. Maybe he was over exaggerating in the slightest but his anger wanted to dismiss the fact that her tears wrenched his very heart and shook him to the core.

She stood unmoved by his want for her to leave but moved by everything he said prior. His words affected her and he didn’t believe that it would. Not after all this time at least. She took a deep breath as tears streamed down both of her flushed cheeks and repeated what she said to herself earlier but this time out loud. She wasn’t very confident in herself and she had no clue how this could end but her lover for Bellamy stayed very much true and it gave her confidence to speak how she was feeling.  
“I didn’t say goodbye because I knew that if I told you, you’d ask me to stay, and I would, even if I had to be just a piece of...ass...for you...I wanted that...so long as I was with you. It didn’t matter...because every single good morning in your sleepy voice, every coffee you ever made for me, every flower, every argument, every rubber ducky bubble bath....every morning I rolled over after a night with you only to see you sleeping peacefully by my side, arm draped over me, I wanted that....even after all we agreed to, I was too in love with you that it didn’t matter what I was to you...so long as I had this it was enough.”

She took another deep breath. “That’s why I didn’t say goodbye. I was too in love with you to control my feelings around you and we agreed to simplicity but I wanted so much more to a point where I could no longer control my feelings. Raven suggested busying myself and I just made the decision impulsively so I could just get away from you a while hoping to rid myself of my feelings for you but now I’m standing here realizing they wont go away. No matter how much I run, or cry them out temporarily...it never leaves.”  
Silence filled the apartment as those last words came out of her mouth. Bellamy was shocked. All of the assumptions he made were false and he was sitting there now listening to a woman plead the same case he had.

The exact same bloody case.  
He was so in love with her and he was content with what she wanted so long as he got to spend it by her side it’s all that mattered and it was now very clear to him that it was much the same for her.  
She was in love with him.  
He was in love with her.

They spent this entire time thinking the other felt nothing and they were too young to understand what one meant to the other. They hid away their feelings to be stoic in front of each other so they didn’t give in to the want to try to work on their love again. The one they thought they were better off not having.  
Both sat in silence breathing the thick air in, taking in all of what was said. It was a sensory overload to say the least.  
She glanced over at Bellamy his elbows still propped up on his knees, his hands now balled in a half fist holding his chin up. He felt her eyes on him as he glanced over at her. Her eyes swelled and puffy from all the tears. Her makeup down both her cheeks staining the flush red tint on both. His eyes too were puffy and empty looking.  
“I guess I should go” she mumbled turning to leave.

Not again, please not again.

She was admitting defeat right in front of him.

He rose quickly taking a few steps forward and stopping. “Please don’t go again.” he mumbled as she too stopped dead in her tracks.

He was pleading for her to stay.  
She slowly turned around with a soft smile her eyes filling with new tears. Bellamy closed the space between the two of them looking down at her bringing one of his hands to run his fingers gently down her cheek by her jawline. He brought the other hand to run his fingers through her thick blonde locks. His touch alone sent shivers down her spine.  
“Bellamy...I’m so sorry.” she was now sobbing uncontrollably.  
“Hey no stop that...don’t be sorry..” he said softly. He hated seeing her cry and that clearly hadn’t changed after all this time.  
“I just didn’t know what to do, days would pass by and my love for you was showing, everyone questioned me, I was scared to lose you I-” she was stammering, what she normally does when she’s flustered and he recognized it immediately.

He refused to let her finish. Just like that his lips were now on hers, a soft kiss...taking in that all familiar taste and smell as the kiss deepened. It felt like a first kiss all over again. Both his hands on her face, one moved to her waist pulling her close to mold with his body. She returned the gesture by wrapping her arms around his shoulders, letting their tongues explore each others mouths, fighting the way they used to. He lifted her up and carried her to his bedroom, her legs wrapped around his waist still kissing each other fiercely, he laid her on his bed pressing himself into her. Kissing Bellamy after all this time left a rush to her system. “Bellamy” she breathed into his mouth. She let out a small soft laugh as he left soft kisses on her jawline.  
“I love you.” he breathed leaning above her drowning himself in her deep blue eyes.

“I love you most.” she replied, kissing him again, this time on his nose. She watched him wrinkle his nose up and let out a small laugh burying his face into her neck as if to tickle her. Hearing her laughter was music to his ears. He moved back to lean over her again his arm still underneath her his hand pressed against her back. He drowns himself in the depths of her eyes once again and every little detail on her skin. Everything he already memorized. Every little freckle. Her hands reached up to touch his face, her too looking at all too familiar details feeling his soft olive skin. Running her hand gently through his hair, him leaning into her touch. His smile so genuine. He leaned down and pressed his lips against hers again ever so tenderly.  
  
She was his home.  
Home was wherever he was with her.  
He was always her home and that was enough for her.  
She was always his home and that was enough for him.  
That’s how it would remain.

_They would no longer spend time breaking glasses....maybe once or twice but hardly because lets be honest only thing they would ever break again was Bellamy’s bed frame.  
_


End file.
